Bionic

My eye!

Last year around Christmastime, I had Custom Vue LASIK eye surgery at a company called DiamondVision ("See all that you can see"). It was a scary, smelly procedure, and it cost me about $3,000, which is the price less a 20% discount from my health insurance.

Best $3,000 I ever spent.

No more glasses or contact lenses. I have peripheral vision again. Soon after the surgery, I was tested as having 20/15 vision, which means that I can see clearly at a distance of 20 feet what most people can see 15 feet away.

Today I went for my one-year checkup. I could read the bottom lines of the charts clearly on the 20/15 slide . . . I've experienced no lessening of vision so far. Just for shits and giggles, the doctor tried me on the 20/10 slide, but that was just a row of little black dots. "It was worth a shot," she said.

"Oh, well," I replied. "I'm not bionic."

I'm the $3,000 man.

She didn't laugh. Probably she's heard variations on that joke thousands of times.

Then the doctor inspected my eyes through her microscope apparatus. "There's absolutely no sign that you had surgery at all." She sat back and frankly looked a little surprised. "You've had a great result," she said, oddly thoughtfully.

"Great!" I said.

Really -- best thing I've ever done for myself physically.