What Did You Get for Christmas?

stocking stuffer

Remember when you were little, and after the bloodbath of unwrapping and whatever other traditions Christmas morning demanded, the first thing you did was ask your friends what they got for Christmas, and then you told them exactly what you got? I haven't done that in a while, so let's do it now.

In the materialistic, greedhead spirit of the holiday, let's play . . .

What did YOU get for Christmas?

And fuck this Happy Holidays shit. Your PC hypersensitivity makes Baby Santa Claus cry. Merry Fucking Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho! Motherfucker. Christmas under siege, my ass.

A bunch of writers and illustrators got me chocolate and popcorn and stuff at work.

My grandmother in Florida sent the first gift to arrive at my apartment -- two weeks ago! -- with a card and a check for $50. Rock on, Nana!

On Christmas Eve, one aunt gave me a $50 bill and a big, paper bookmark that has a porcelain bead of a cat hanging from its tassel. On the bookmark is a picture of a tan tabby with a semi-alarmed, quizzical expression on her face, with one ear cocked slightly. It's cute. Underneath that is the phrase:

Cats are a mysterious kind of folk.
- Sir Walter Scott

Centered on the back of the bookmark is this phrase in big letters:

CAUTION: This product is not recommended for very young children as beads can present a choking hazard.

I really do think stupid children should die of ingesting cat-shaped beads on bookmarks. It's Darwinism at its finest.

tourist at home

Another aunt gave me a 2002 DK Eyewitness Top 10 Travel Guide to New York. YOUR GUIDE TO THE 10 BEST OF EVERYTHING!

#1 under "Gay and Lesbian New York" is Stonewall Pub. Here's an interesting Observer article from 8/28/06 about this bar.

I like guidebooks, and I feel fond of out-of-date ones.

At my aunt's Christmas Eve party, I drank too many gin and collins and I had to sneak away during dinner and nap for a few minutes on my aunt's guest bed in-between giant stuffed dolls of Santa and Mrs. Claus.

In the morning on Christmas Day, I opened the boxes from my brother and my parents which had been cluttering the middle of my living room all week. My cats had taken to using one big box as a perch, and so they freaked out and zoomed about as I cut open the boxes with a razor.

Everything from my middle brother and parents came directly from an Amazon Wish List that I set up.

My middle brother either got me this shirt:

this one?

Or this one (the top blue one):

or maybe . . . ?

I'm not sure, since my parents also got me a dress shirt and neither one came with a card or any indication who it was from. Later my brother told me that he'd gotten me one of the shirts, but I forgot to ask which one.

I like them both a lot anyway. It's too bad that they have to be dry cleaned before I can wear them.

so soft

My parents also got me these blue flannel pajamas. I love them. They're so incredibly soft and comfortable. I'm wearing them right now. I love Nautica.

nice pants

Check out how cute their model is in these pants!

I will be a chef!

Then, my big present this year from my parents was this cookware set. I've been using my grandmother's old pots and pans that I inherited when she died. While there is magic in the old tomato sauce stains encrusted onto the bottom of the pots, the handles are broken, and they're generally in terrible shape. Really, they're wrecked.

This is the first set of new cookware I've ever gotten. Very exciting! Now I just need someone to cook for on a regular basis. Someone who will be forgiving of a culinary learning curve.

Also, a decent kitchen would be helpful.

Meg and Jack

Later on Christmas Day, I went up to my middle brother's new house in Darien. It's a great old country house in a lovely old neighborhood. I took the tour of it twice and had a whisky sour with my sister-in-law and then my niece (Maddy, almost 3) and nephew (George, almost 5) woke up from their nap and showed me, my youngest brother, and my aunt (the guidebook-gifting aunt) the rundown of all their Christmas morning gifts. Which were various and sundry and pretty fun. My favorite thing was the drum set my niece got and the ukulele my nephew got. It was so cool to see them pretending to play together. Like the White Stripes!

back in black backpack

Anyway, my aunt also gave me my birthday present (a funny framed photo of my nephew and me laughing).

My youngest brother gave me a new JanSport black "Right Pack" backpack, which I totally needed and wanted and asked for. My aunt also gave us some chocolate truffles.

Lu lulu lu lu lu

My gifts to myself were the CD of A Charlie Brown Christmas original soundtrack by Vince Guaraldi. It's excellent -- read the review at Pitchfork that reminded me to get it for myself.


Oh, and also I gave myself the gift of a huge, life-altering decision about my future.
That was the end of my gifts for the year.

I did pretty okay, I think.

What presents did YOU get?